Honey Bee Reading

Today is World Autism Day, and April is Autism Awareness/Acceptance month. And naturally, being autistic, I have a lot of thoughts about this.

My specific diagnosis, Asperger’s Syndrome, is named after Hans Asperger, an Austrian physician who worked closely with the Third Reich during WWII. His job? To evaluate children to determine if they could be molded into being part of the master race. Those who couldn’t were sterilized or euthanized. The fact that this is my diagnosis means I most liikely could pass Asperger’s high bar to be somehow useful to society. And yet, despite this, there are days I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb.

This last year has been possibly one of the worst years I’ve had in terms of being treated differently because of my autism. The amounts of “You don’t look autistic” I received this year was higher than normal. I had clients infantalize me while I worked with them. The hardest was when someone who I love told me that I could have my autism cured by a local “clinic”.

I’ve been diagnosed since I was around 3 or 4, and to be honest, I don’t know where my autism starts and where it ends in me. I don’t make my whole identity about being autistic, but it’s such an entwined part of who I am that the idea of being “cured” from this is sickening. I’d be a shell of who I am.

However, I’ve also had one of the most loving interactions this last year too. When I mentioned that I’m autistic on a first date with someone, his immediate response was “Oh! My brothers autistic! What’s your hyperfixation?”

Now, he says he immediately regretted the question, wondering if that was appropriate. But for me, it was the best thing he could have asked. I’ve heard the “Oh, my (so-and-so) is autistic. They’re really difficult to work with” often when I reveal I’m autistic. When he asked about my hyper fixation, I knew he respected me as a person. I knew he wouldn’t view me as difficult. I knew he wasn’t going to downplay me for not looking “autistic” enough. And I knew he could love me with my autism, not despite of it.

Needless to say I’m getting ready to marry him.

Autism month is celebrated two ways. One is Autism Awareness. Awareness is great. Learn more about how Autism works and how it affects us. Be wary, but compassionate of people who treat it as something horrible to be rid of. These people are likely caretakers of an autistic person and is burned out. And please, if you see misinformation such as vaccines causing autism, stand up and say otherwise. The other way is Autism Acceptance. Most autistic people prefer to celebrate it this way. People are aware of autism, but we’re still struggling to find acceptance, no matter where we land on the spectrum. Ask about our interests, and help us find the tools needed to process that the grocery store moved our favorite comfort foods *again*. Treat us like people. Treat us like people. Treat us like people.

One of my hyperfixations is jigsaw puzzles, so I thought it was really cool that that was the symbol for autism. When I learned the meaning behind it though, I was devastated. The puzzle piece is meant to represent that there is a missing piece. We’re not complete; We’re missing something.

Fight that narrative. We fit in the puzzle. We are a part of the community. Maybe our puzzle piece shape is a little extra special compared to everyone else’s pieces, but we’re are a part of society, and the things we bring to the community makes for a richer life and society.